2009 - I'll Have It My Way

Hmm, I did share in my last entry that my mood was suddenly as BLUE as the Christmas theme. Honestly I didn't understand it myself. Perhaps I was just having the New Year Blues ... However after a few incidents, and occurence when I find my self couldn't sleep, lack of appetite, hair fall, dizziness, nausetous, migraines, back pains, lack of concentration, fatigue and black-outs (while cooking and shopping for groceries) I suspected that it might be something serious.

So last 2 days I spent the whole morning searching for articles related to those symptoms and I came across a website on depression. After answering the questionaires, the result was "moderately depress". However, to my relief because I felt quite OK after taking Omega-3, Vitamin B Complex and some chromium from the morning sun so it must be due to my work-related stress, poor diet and lack of exercise.

Admittedly, these last 3 months had been quite stressful to me physically and emotionally. Turning 31 and (.... sexy? successful? wealthy? lonely?), finalising the renovation,furnishing and moving works while at the same time all all BIG BOSSES want is report (report and report ... KPI lah ISO lah Fail Meja lah). Then enduring lectures from uplines on my 2008 performance, struggle to complete remaining of my CPD courses on weekends, organising house blessings, organising X'mas party, listening to problems all the time (be it housebuyers problems, developers problems, management problems, family problems, national problems, personal problems, business problems, global problems) ... it is just a matter of seconds I'll turn into a time-bomb. All these stress and presssures had made my system gone haywire....

I had a chat with my adopted sister a few minutes ago and she was complaining about all the stress and pressures she was having at the moment. Imagine, year end like this have to make endless preparation for school, then have to face in-laws family yang mesti nak tgk rumah baru dan cucu-cucu and bagi lectures panjang sebab dapur tak kemas atau mcm mana nak jaga anak.

However, deep down I understand when people said your letih hilang bila u see perangai anak2 yang comel. That if you do have playful and cute kids lah. Dapat yang hyperactive pun stressful jugak. Last month when I went back to see Gina, I hate to admit it but i rasa nak kidnap jer dia balik KL. But thinking about the cost and commitment to care for a child single handedly, I don't think I am ready yet. BTW she turned 2 on the 30th and her daddy sent me her birthday pic via MMS this morning. Thanks Pet.

On new year eve, I told my boss I need to clear my head (was having headache again and the throbbing was killing me) and asked his permission to leave the office early. I decided to meet up with Syariah at The Curve. Pity her, she was just arriving from Calcutta earlier that morning and had to be dragged from her slumber. Among all my girlfriends, Syariah is the best listener, Niejah is the best critic and Suna is the best dreamer ... On the way to Curve, I realised the root of my New Year Blues is much deeper than I thought and keeping busy is one way of forgetting it. Yelaa, after so so so long I sendiri pun terlupa how and why it happen at the first place. Hehehe... anyway, I confided in Syariah ... ala-ala macam buat confession kat priest lah.

To my suprise, her answer was ... "hey babe, aku pun mengalami masalah yang sama lah dengan kau"

Well it is good to know that there is someone who share the same problem and for once I kind of relieve that I can be open about it with someone. As if understanding my predicament, later that evening I received a call from another friend who needed a friend to talk and she too was having the same problem. Hmmm.... I began to wonder if what I am facing is actually a national issue.

This morning after sending my brother to KL Sentral, I read Lillian Too's prediction for Year 2009. Hmm, her previous general prediction for year 2008 was 90% accurate though. I started to have interest in her prediction after her prediction that Italy might win the FIFA World Cup 2006 on the ground that Italy is liken to the Blue Canine (aiya I can't remember her exact words) and 2006 is the year of the Dog might give them advantage over France ... hehehe. Anyway, we have to do a specific calculation known as the four pillars of destiny to forecast our luck.

However, 2008 to me is a year of new beginning after a very distressing 2007. It's a year full of suprises, with plenty of new opportunities which I reserved for the year 2009. Generally it is a better year for me compared to 2007 but I just couldn't enjoy it much as throughout 2008 I was busy reorganising my life - as new KPP for Cawangan Penguatkuasaan JPN (plus I get a very sporting new Boss), new resident of Seri Kembangan, new CNI distributor ( I dah dapat silver distributor badge), completing my Registered Financial Planner (RFP Module 2) course. It is also a year full of challenges - office politics, backstabbings, surat layang ...

I am looking forward to 2009 as a year to harvest the fruits of my labour throughout 2008. However age must have been catching up with me coz yesterday I started the year 2009 with a fever. Hahaha ... nevertheless, God has shown me there are plenty of people who really love and care for me. Niejah came over to send porridge and oxtail soup and Syariah came later that evening sending fruits. Huhuhu... sayang jugak korang ngan aku yer. Sam also called later that evening telling me he couldn't called earlier coz his HP can't read his new SIM card. Dear, I think your handphone tu memang dah nak kena tukar. Orang tak pakai dah handphone polyphonic ... the Celcom people was just too polite to tell you the truth. Hahaha ...

May the Year 2009 bring more HEALTH and WEALTH ... Happy New Year everyone!