Tadi masa dalam kelas "The Voice In My Head" keep on interrupting me with ideas and inspiration for my next entry. Hmm ... should I start with my Europe trips, or should I start with my new life as a student. So while reading comments on my previous entry, I decided to go along with Si Yoyop punya statement in her comment "Mcm aku mo jg smbg study hihi."
Well my dear sigu ... bukan mudah ya untuk aku mau sambung study ni. It was a very longggggg and tedious process.
I told many friends, especially those who are in the same service with me ... I was not interested in academia. In fact, I learn faster and a lot more through experience, on job training as well as observation (provided that I have a clear goal or objectives for that observation set in mind). Academia, unfortunately in my experience, requires lots of memorizing, attending monotonous boring lectures, copy and paste sources from Internet, confusion over academic and technical writing, if you ask questions it means you are stupid or you might offended the lecturer etc etc.
And to be honest, I am not a person that go through life with a life planner. My job, my environment and my family memang banyak drama so I never get it plan except for financial planning and retirement planning.
Perhaps in my early life ... like most other people, or like my ancestors before me... we don't have the luxury of choice. It is either take it or leave it (or live with it), swim or sink. And the saddest part is "I don't really know where I am heading to". So normally, we let the sail sets it course until we came to a point either to turn back to where we started or if we finally find out what we want from our life we set for a new direction.
I envied those who have choices or know what choice to make. Like, "I know what I want to eat tonight" to the point of "I know how wanted it to be cooked and served at what time and with what I want to pair it with". I might looked or acted I know something ... but in fact .. there are many incidences I just follow someone I trust punya decisions. Like when we were in uni, Si Yoyop nak join PALAPES and I was considering archery. But disebabkan "Yoyop" and "Palapes" macam tak jive since I never saw her involved in sports before I jadi curious. I might want to do archery, but I still listened to her reasons rather than considering whether it was the best option for me.
Then my dad gave an "order" to join PALAPES and that sealed it ... making me the third person in my family to join the military after my grandfather and my father, without a single clue of what PALAPES is all about.
And because of that, I dedicated 10 years of my life from 2003 in the art of making the choices and picking the right choices. Seeking the answers like what do I want, what do I like, where do I want to be .... questions relating to a very complex subject .... ME.
Initially I was overwhelmed with the amount of choices that I have in life. From simple thing like choosing a shampoo that works (selalu beli syampu based on harga or kewangian ... yelaa time tu masih student yang depends on parents money) to something much more complicated like my new apartment interior design concept. Few life matters that I let "takdir" make the choice for me are like "jodoh", "pertemuan" dan "maut".
Oppsss melalut from the topic ... so how I ended up being a student and some more Tourism student. A far different bidang from my undergraduate studies that is Computer Science. Yop ... it took me about 6 years.
It all started from the routine morning breakfast sessions with my friends Ramli and Kolony at Ali Maju or sometimes Cafe Mesra. Ramli, a person I have high regards on when it comes to critical thinking or "thinking far far" was lecturing me as usual on applying for Hadiah Latihan Persekutuan. As usual, I told him off .... I am not an academic person. I don't know what area I want to be majoring in ... and many other excuses. Somehow that year in 2007, ME started to explore that possibility.
To be honest ... I couldn't quite differentiate Masters program over Bachelor degree program. My sister did her Masters program before but I didn't bother to ask sebab malu (she might gave me that "haa takkan ko tak tau" look). I have friends that did postgraduates ... again I also didn't bother to find out. And I don't understand some of my seniors and fellow colleagues motivation in furthering their studies. Seriously ... most of the answers I got was ... "dah bosan bekerja" or "time ni lah nak kumpul harta".
However, I learned and discover something valuable from this experience ... I want my postgraduate be "an area that I am truly interested in", "will benefit me in terms of career advancement in the future (which also means working in the private sectors or opening up a business) and "enable me to contribute to the nation". Lots of thinking and researching happened during this time ... looking at my current job, my future in the civil service, skills that I do not possess in order for me to succeed in my career and of course the critical question ... am I happy now with my work.
Honestly, my findings truly amazed me. In the information gathering process ... I was astounded that many of my fellow colleagues "knew what they want and what works best for them" in relation to working environment like years ago. Thus the mintak transfer thing (which I don't quite like to advocate personally). Whereas I on the other, work in reverse .... we may not have the luxury of the choosing the IDEAL job so make your job IDEAL ... hahahahah yeaaaa that is the secret of my 7 years and 3 months of serving with pride in the Housing Ministry.
Then came that unexpected phone call from Datin Zaitun ... short, sweet and to the point.
"Jaime ... ko taknak ke balik kampung? Ada post kosong kat Penang. Jomlah join tourism ..." and I was in the middle of preparing reports for our PEMUDAH meeting with KSN.
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| But I know whom I want to vote for in the next Student Union election. |
.... to be continued (idea tengah banyak kan).
4 comments:
A very appropriate start for self-introspection and analysis, looking for the internal evaluative radar which had set the course in your life so far. The years of floating with the current ( very lucky that you keep floating!), seems to have come to an end when you decided to pursue a post graduate work - an academic venture. As a Virgoan, I'm not surprised at all ( m also one of them). You have ideals that transcend the everyday conundrum of life and career requirements, ideals that cry for ego satisfaction and self-fulfillment. That's the thing that is pushing you on and I'm sure you'll make the best use of the opportunity for intellectual achievement which now presents itself in a very comfortable way. Your blog is a summary of the progress you made. Keep it going for through it many things that are not clear will become more logical and rational. I enjoyed reading it, J. Thanks for sharing.
1. Baca je perenggan pertama, aku mcm nak berteriak kat staff room ni, "Yeay...Yoyop rules!". Hahaha.
2. Psl Palapes, baru aku tahu sbbnya knp ko join. Another haha...Ko join sbb nak jadi mcm RAMBO ke?. Seingat aku, masa kita tulis kenapa nak join Palapes tu aku tulis, "sbb nak jumpa harimau dlm hutan...Hahaha". Aku la yg tulis tu. Wp sbnrnya aku takut2 jg masa masuk hutan masa Kem Tahunan sbb kalau terkabul 'niat bodoh' aku tu, lintang pukang jg kita berlari mbawa radio/ M16 yg berat tu.
Sbb sebenarnya aku join adalah kerana aku nak kurikulun yg lain yg unik. Yg lain2 tu mcm semua aku dah buat dan join masa sekolah menengah. Dan kalau utk menembak di luar, mahal. So, that's my first and foremost reason why I joined Palapes. But looking back, aku tak menyesal pun. Haha...tlmpau byk kenangan. Lbh2 bila kita pg Kem Tahunan. Kan?. Kan?. Kan?. Kalau tak join tak pernah aku merasa makan berkuahkan air hujan, mandi sungai bersebelah dengan karabau jantan, tidur 2 hari 2 mlm tak bgn2 lps latihan sbb kepenatan, ete..etc.
3)Aku ada terfikir nak smbg belajar tp slps ko dpt smbg belajar kat Brisbane. I'm too excited for U actually. Jd sebenarnya kemahuan itu bukanlah sbnrnya dr hati nurani ini. Itu sekadar mahu2 saja. Skrg aku 'tau' apa yg aku mahu dan itulah yg aku fokus skrg. Hihi. Kerjaya aku skrg ni hya utk aku dptkan duit. (Tapi masa bkerja kena btl2 la...tak berkat nnt duit tu). I want to travel the world. Ye lah.. kadang2 mmg ada masanya 'bosan' bekerja...tp kerja ni jauh lbh baik jika dibandingkan dgn kerja yg lain (pd pandangan aku la. Tensen2 pun hya dlm waktu yg terhad. Bz2 pun, aku masih ada masa utk diri dan famili). Lagipun, inilah kerja yg aku rasa byk 'pahala'nya...Aku sdh buat 'pro n cons'...and i choosed to go with it.
Ish...komen je pjg, mcm dah boleh jd 1 entry plak. Oklah. I can't wait yr next entry J...
Norzah: Thank you for supporting my writings ... chewahhhh ... termotivate i nak menulis dengan lebih "gegeh" lagi. i read your latest entry... i think now macam I can relate to your writing ... insightful ... orang lama dan berpengalaman ditambah pula dengan ada PHD ... memang level of research, synthesizing info lain daripada kami-kami ni. Nanti i comment k ... semalam i commented tapi cannot publish pulak.
Yoyop: To be honest, susah nak agak what is in your mind and in your heart sebab air muka dan perwatakanmu tidak menggambarkannya. Walaupun u did tell me you want to see harimau tapi ... the most harimau yang I pernah jumpa ialah "tiger dance" yang ko buat di belakang pintu (cuba ingat balik" hahahahahahahahahaha
Ya ... Palapes turn out to be a very unforgettable moment. Especially masa kita di UKM. Terlalu banyak kenangan manis daripada pahit. Terlalu banyak ketawa dari duka. And kalau kiter tgk balik ... best friends uni yang still in contact are those in Palapes dulu. hahahaha
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