Friday, February 20, 2009

Did I Marry The Right Person?

This article is specially dedicated to my dearest friend Anijah ... after reading this article, I think I now fully understand your decision and actions. I have to admit, you are always wiser when it comes to taking charge of your life. To Syariah and Suhaila ... this is something interesting to ponder. I don't know who the author is but it was posted by an ex-schoolmate on Facebook.

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked the iridiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit) .

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU .

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU .

Falling in love is easy . It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies , instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"

And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown .

People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.

There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.

It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"...

Not just a feeling. Remember this always : "God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."


Olpicture said...

too much! too much! my brain cannot handle!

"The single" said...

i read about the same topic in a local magazine .. and was thinking about writing about it in my blog too!

rambomadonna said...

Olpicture : Which part is too much ? the relationship is duller or relationship non existence ? hehehe

The single : Perhap you would like to share? It might be different. This one is more on holding on to the relationship that we have.

SeMiN said...

Rambo: R U........?

Si Yoyop Bah... said...

Kak sri, U berceloteh mcm u dah berpengalaman bertahun2. hahahah. Anyway, my hormone, my mood, my 'EUPHORIA' dah back to normal.

Si Yoyop Bah... said...

Cuba ko tilik kan dgn sapa aku fall in love tahun ni? Adakah dgn Dr. Love? Saja nak manja2 dgn ko. hehehe

rambomadonna said...

Semin: Currently I am blissfully married to myself. So should be the right person lah.

Suhaila: Based on kompas feng shui aku nie, tahun nie bukan tahun yang sesuai untuk ko kawin, tahun depan OK. Cehhhh... mcm Lilian Too plak. So berdoalah semoga jodoh ko and Dr Love.

SweetSour B said...

God Bless.. r u otw...

rambomadonna said...

Sweet Sour B - huhuhuhu... haleluyah!

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