Finally .... I am a STudent (Part 2)

If Fairy Godmother do exist in this world, I am sure she is Datin Zaitun. Hahaha ... she does look like one hehehe.

Anyway, prior to Datin Zaitun's call to my office that morning there were series of incidents throughout 2008 and 2009 that sort of like open my mind to the reality of my service and the office politics within the public sector. I couldn't recall what made me so oblivious to my surroundings ... Was I too dedicated? Maybe ... Was I "slow" in terms of the latest news and gossips? Possibly... Was I not ambitious? Hmmm .... depends on the situation. Maybe I just "don't bloody care" (say it in the most British accent please).

Having said that, I loved what I did in the Housing Ministry. I learned a lot about the property sector .. from legislation to town planning, land administration, conveyancing, housebuyers protection, banking and finance, valuation, rehabilitation, project management, construction ... I learned and study a lot. Met lots of people, worked with lots of experts on different areas of property development, and I guess the one that gave me most satisfaction is solving house buyers problems and educating them. Everyday I arrived at work 6.45 am and finished work at 7.45 pm ... initially because I want to avoid jam but later ... I guess I just love working.

Then came my first HLP application in 2008 ... was (i think) motivated to further my study that time. And then came the interview session when we were ask to present our proposal to a group of panels selected by JPA. It was quite different back then ... you apply, got your interview and then you prepare proposal. That was the time I realised that I didn't know what I want study about. Everyday I tried to think of a fancy topic but till the day of the interview nothing came out from my brain. 

Despite loving what I did in housing, I could not find an area that I want to specialise in and that is related to my work. Land? I know about land law and land administration but I don't do the job. It is just related to my work in housing (developers license processing) and I must know the processes. 90% of my works in the Housing Ministry deal with The Housing Development [Control and Licensing] Act 1966 (Act 118) but most of the complex legal matters were undertaken by the Ministry's legal advisors and public prosecutors, and law is not core business of a PTD. In the end, I decided not to go for the interview until I know which area I want to focus on and related to PTD core business.  My love affair with housing came to an end in 2010, 2 weeks before I got the call from Datin Zaitun and I shared that in this entry.

It took me quite a while to digest Datin Zaitun's "offer" and to "process" it later. I did have plans to "mintak tukar" but you know once you start to immense yourself in your work, you began to forget it. But somehow, I couldn't resist considering her offer (I wrote about it here) and worse of all ... I said YES to her before I know what the job was all about. Dah kata YES baru sedar ... OMG Penang! I don't know a single thing about Penang. Yes .... my family is from Penang (my dad lah) but Penang is like so strange to me. Not only I will be in a new Ministry ... I will be in a new OPPOSITION State, new working environment, new job scope, new set of team ... OMG OMG ...a TOTAL OVERHAUL!!!!

After a while ... I decided to take up the challenge. It is not everyday your prayers are answered and your wishes are granted kan. Somehow ... I still feel pressured and takut. 

Did I do the right thing?

Now I got 4 teeth and nothing can stop me now!

 to be continued .... (boleh but novel blog aku ni)

Finally .... I am a STudent (Part 1)

Tadi masa dalam kelas "The Voice In My Head" keep on interrupting me with ideas and inspiration for my next entry. Hmm ... should I start with my Europe trips, or should I start with my new life as a student. So while reading comments on my previous entry, I decided to go along with Si Yoyop punya statement in her comment "Mcm aku mo jg smbg study hihi."

Well my dear sigu ... bukan mudah ya untuk aku mau sambung study ni. It was a very longggggg and tedious process.

I told many friends, especially those who are in the same service with me ... I was not interested in academia. In fact, I learn faster and a lot more through experience, on job training as well as observation (provided that I have a clear goal or objectives for that observation set in mind). Academia, unfortunately in my experience, requires lots of memorizing, attending monotonous boring lectures, copy and paste sources from Internet, confusion over academic and technical writing, if you ask questions it means you are stupid or you might offended the lecturer etc etc.

And to be honest, I am not a person that go through life with a life planner. My job, my environment and my family memang banyak drama so I never get it plan except for financial planning and retirement planning.

Perhaps in my early life ... like most other people, or like my ancestors before me... we don't have the luxury of choice. It is either take it or leave it (or live with it), swim or sink. And the saddest part is "I don't really know where I am heading to". So normally, we let the sail sets it course until we came to a point either to turn back to where we started or if we finally find out what we want from our life we set for a new direction.

I envied those who have choices or know what choice to make. Like, "I know what I want to eat tonight" to the point of "I know how wanted it to be cooked and served at what time and with what I want to pair it with". I might looked or acted I know something ... but in fact .. there are many incidences I just follow someone I trust punya decisions. Like when we were in uni, Si Yoyop nak join PALAPES and I was considering archery. But disebabkan "Yoyop" and "Palapes" macam tak jive since I never saw her involved in sports before I jadi curious. I might want to do archery, but I still listened to her reasons rather than considering whether it was the best option for me.

Then my dad gave an "order" to join PALAPES and that sealed it ... making me the third person in my family to join the military after my grandfather and my father, without a single clue of what PALAPES is all about.

And because of that, I dedicated 10 years of my life from 2003 in the art of making the choices and picking the right choices. Seeking the answers like what do I want, what do I like, where do I want to be .... questions relating to a very complex subject .... ME.

Initially I was overwhelmed with the amount of choices that I have in life. From simple thing like choosing a shampoo that works (selalu beli syampu based on harga or kewangian ... yelaa time tu masih student yang depends on parents money) to something much more complicated like my new apartment interior design concept. Few life matters that I let "takdir" make the choice for me are like "jodoh", "pertemuan" dan "maut".

Oppsss melalut from the topic ... so how I ended up being a student and some more Tourism student. A far different bidang from my undergraduate studies that is Computer Science. Yop ... it took me about 6 years.

It all started from the routine morning breakfast sessions with my friends Ramli and Kolony at Ali Maju or sometimes Cafe Mesra. Ramli, a person I have high regards on when it comes to critical thinking or "thinking far far" was lecturing me as usual on applying for Hadiah Latihan Persekutuan. As usual, I told him off .... I am not an academic person. I don't know what area I want to be majoring in ... and many other excuses. Somehow that year in 2007, ME started to explore that possibility.

To be honest ... I couldn't quite differentiate Masters program over Bachelor degree program. My sister did her Masters program before but I didn't bother to ask sebab malu (she might gave me that "haa takkan ko tak tau" look). I have friends that did postgraduates ... again I also didn't bother to find out. And I don't understand some of my seniors and fellow colleagues motivation in furthering their studies. Seriously ... most of the answers I got was ... "dah bosan bekerja" or "time ni lah nak kumpul harta".

However, I learned and discover something valuable from this experience ... I want my postgraduate be "an area that I am truly interested in", "will benefit me in terms of career advancement in the future (which also means working in the private sectors or opening up a business) and "enable me to contribute to the nation". Lots of thinking and researching happened during this time ... looking at my current job, my future in the civil service, skills that I do not possess in order for me to succeed in my career and of course the critical question ... am I happy now with my work.

Honestly, my findings truly amazed me. In the information gathering process ... I was astounded that many of my fellow colleagues "knew what they want and what works best for them" in relation to working environment like years ago. Thus the mintak transfer thing (which I don't quite like to advocate personally). Whereas I on the other, work in reverse .... we may not have the luxury of the choosing the IDEAL job so make your job IDEAL ... hahahahah yeaaaa that is the secret of my 7 years and 3 months of serving with pride in the Housing Ministry.

 Then came that unexpected phone call from Datin Zaitun ... short, sweet and to the point. 

"Jaime ... ko taknak ke balik kampung? Ada post kosong kat Penang. Jomlah join tourism ..." and I was in the middle of preparing reports for our PEMUDAH meeting with KSN.

But I know whom I want to vote for in the next Student Union election.

.... to be continued (idea tengah banyak kan).

Howdy From Down Under!!!!

Actually akak dari minggu lepas terpanggil-panggil nak update blog ni. But sepanjang 3 minggu ni memang pelbagai rintangan lah harus kutempuhi ... penuh onak dan duri hahahaha ... bersastera sekejap. Yelaa banyakkkkkk uols perkara-perkara yang menyebabkan jantung akak ni berdegup kencang, blood pressure up and down and makan tak kenyang, tido tak basah. Kalau ikut amazing race asia memang ada chance menang!

So ... I am not going to ramble about the challenges that I had to face ... suffice to say ... ayat pertama nak update di blog ni pun dah mengambil masa 1 jam, then nak familiarise dengan Blogger.com lagi. Should I write in English or should I write in BM. In the end, I decided to write in Manglish ... dengan style Rambomadonna.

Memang lama tak menulis in this personal space of mine in this blogosphere. Kalau nak cerita dari awal ke akhir why I didn't update my blog memang banyak. But to sum it up, it was my gut feelings telling me to lay low for a while. On Facebook, only your friends have access to your updates. I am very selective of friend requests. But in blogs ... you just never know. Something innocent thing such as posting a photo of you doing funny faces may ended up being politicised. It is true ... I am not making it up ... one editor for a very strong NGO in Penang got herself in trouble after posting a photo of her doing silly pose on Myspace. And she became the source of malicious attack by some politically motivated groups despite all the great community works that she did. It happened 2 months after I was posted to Penang.

Then of course, works started to catch up with you. Meetings, travellings, functions etc etc ... I found that I barely even have time for myself. Events or incidents that are "blogs worthy" became old news. I accidentally read a comment by an ex staff on his Facebook (he forgotten to log out apparently) commenting that "the new director nampak selekeh semacam jer". Can't blame him.I was really selekeh ... ya lah I myself was quite shock getting the posting order to Ministry of Tourism, Penang Office while I was in the Property Development Lab with Dato' Idris Jala (despite seronok dapat kerja di tempat baru). My DG asked me ... "you did so well here in Housing, why leave? Did we do something wrong to you?" 

Nobody is indispensable.

I did posted a few entries .. mostly work related these 3 years. But deep down I know my style of writing and what I want to write. To be honest .... there are many happy, sad, exciting stories while I was in Penang. Maybe I will cover that back in a form of a flashback ... alaaa ... banyak pun my entries dalam flashback format.

Hahahaha ... kan dah melalut ... ambik kau flashback.

I arrived in Brisbane on 16th July .... with no idea whatsoever how Brisbane look like. Information on Brisbane pun "nada". Well ... hahahah to be honest, I thought I will never make it to Brisbane.... hahahaha .... nanti lah akak crita. But a week later, reality started to sink in and tup tup ... I am already on my 1st week of my course huhuhuhu.

Now that I dah tak terikat to my post or work except for my bond with the Government of Malaysia.... I think I wanted to be more honest in my writings. Especially on matters that I think should be given special attention or deserve to be made known. My last trip to three important cities in Europe and now staying in Down Under ... I guess there are many things that Malaysia should learn. However in retrospect ... there are also many things that Malaysia are far better that Western countries, and how I wish I saw that earlier. 

Esok lusa ... since I am quite free ... I will share a bit about my uni life. Hahaha ... sambil-sambil update blog ni ... I sebenarnya tengah beli buku online. Murah kau beli online. Dekat AUD 10 - 20 per book. Ok ... catch you guys later :)

29.02.2012

Hari ini memang hari yang sangat istimewa. Sesiapa yang lahir hari ini hanya akan mengalami "penuaan" sekali dalam empat tahun. Hebat kan? Penulis pernah berangan nak kahwin pada tarikh ni ... jadi setiap kali tarikh itu tiba ibarat pengantin baru sekali lagi hahahaha (sayang tak pernah jadi kenyataan pun).

Maaflah sebab penulis mengambil masa 30 minit daripada waktu bekerja untuk mengarang nukilan ni. Bukan apa, hari ini penulis ada mesyuarat sepanjang pagi jadi tadi pening sikit lepas baca agenda. Biar terurai sikit kekusutan di minda ini. 

Okaylah, di hari yang istimewa ini penulis nak berkongsi tentang hasad dengki. Kenapa? Sebenarnya topik ini bermain di minda penulis sejak pagi tadi ketika menghirup teh tarik mamak yang telah diadun dengan "resipi tambahan" dan menjadi kegilaan warga kota di pagi hari (hahahaha). Kenapa hasad dengki makin menular di kalangan masyarakat kita sekarang ni? Adakah tuntutan kehidupan yang semakin mencabar? Adakah sebab terlalu taksub dengan pangkat dan kekayaan? Adakah disebabkan harga minyak bakal naik lagi? Adakah disebabkan NKEA tidak mencapai sasaran? Atau saja-saja nak merasa hasad dengki sebab nak tukar mood? Hahaha ... apa-apa pun, manusia sekarang semakin pelik.

Macam-macam cara dan kaedah orang melaksanakan perasaan hasad dengki ini dengan jayanya. Ada dengan kaedah moden dan canggih (sebar fitnah melalui laman sesawang, rangkaian sosial, forum internet dan media massa). Ada yang melaksanakan dengan kaedah yang dramatik dan penuh suspens (buat demonstrasi jalanan, upah pembunuh upahan, simbah cat atau asid). Ada pulak yang menggunakan kaedah yang tradisional dan penuh mistik (hantar penuju, santau, sihir atau letak tangkal). Tak kurang juga yang melaksanakan perasaan ini secara psikologi (tahan kenaikan pangkat, mengaibkan rakan sekerja, menambah beban kerja).

Kadang-kadang penulis tertanya. Adakah sesiapa yang memiliki perasaan hasad dengki ini setelah melaksanakan segala kaedah di atas akan mencapai kegembiraan, kenikmatan atau kepuasan yang didambakan? Tidak takutkah balasan di akhirat nanti? Atau benarkah teori Charles Darwin iaitu "survival of the fittest" dalam The Origin of Species? Atau manusia pada zaman ini memilih untuk tidak mengakui kewujudan Tuhan atau Yang Maha Kuasa?

Nasihat penulis - bersukacita lah dengan segala yang telah dikurniakan dan diberikan kepada kita setiap hari. Kegembiraan adalah ibarat nasi kosong dengan kicap yang mampu membangkitkan selera yang tak dapat digambarkan dengan kata-kata (tak dapat nak fikir perumpaan lain). Sentiasa beringat ... tak semestinya ada hari esok untukmu.

V For Vagina

Wow... Even i find it so hard to say the V word ( though this is the formal English term for female genitalia). And just imagine having to express the V word or better known as cibai in Hokkien for almost 2 hours .. Telling a story about it or trying to relate to it openly without sounding vulgarish, embarrased or put off by it. I am a mature adult of 21 (hehehe) but still I feel akward being asked to shout Cibai so loud and openly. Virgin gitew auwww...

Ticket with the complimentary pantiliner.

We had that priceless guffaw moment when Vincent came back with the tickets and lots of pantiliners along with it. I am sure he had seen sanitary pads, but pantiliners ... this might be new and ackward for him. I asked him ... "u pakai kah?"

Anyway kudos to the Neighbourhood Performance Group under the direction of Choong Seong Wei for nailing this very difficult topic about Understanding Cibai through their theater play named The Vagina Warriors in Penang Performing Arts Centre (Penangpac). Neighbourhood Performing Group may be the new kids on the block in our local performing arts scene but based on the group profile in the handouts, the group has been around since 30 August 2010, consists of members from various background including journalists, teachers, writers, theater performers, undergraduate students from all over Peninsular Malaysia and even Taiwan.

The Vagina Warriors was inspired by Eve Ensler's (a playwright and performing artist) The Vagina Monologues that deals with women's experience with sex, love, tenderness, embarassment, cruelty, pain and pleasure, also women empowerment, relating it to vagina. Eve Ensler interviewed over 200 women from different age groups and various backgrounds whom bared themselves about vagina to write the first draft of the monologues.

The Vagina Warriors by the Neighbourhood Performing Arts Group were written to explore and address these 9 issues:

(1) The taboo attached to vagina, and why the Hokkien Chinese swear and curse "cibai" so as to degrade or smear their opponent's reputation. The actors did question on why vulgarize the vagina and why vagina was deemed as filthy when it is a life giving organ.

(2) Menstruation - physilogically, superstitious beliefs and taboos attached to it. The actresses brilliantly expressed the dilemma faced by women in conservative society such as menstruating women as bad luck or excuse for the husbands to sleep with other women. The best part would be how they associated menstruation with women supernatural power, they can bleed so much but still not dead. Therefore men, fearing this superpower, banned women from doing religious activities or pantang this and that.

(3) Menstrual cycle - physiological and emotional aspect of it. I love the part when the actresses "talked" or shared their mentsrual experience .. When they first had it, "leakages" experiences, PMS, dilemma in getting MC when experiencing bad period pains, vaginal hygience and ordour problems, followed by development, usage and disposal management of sanitary pads and tampons hehehe. Best part was the roti parody ... The difference between sandwich bread for breakfast (regular pad for regular flow) ... Thin breadstick best with mushroom soup (pantiliner for vaginal discharge) and thick and long French loaf for night snack (long overnight pad for night protection).

(4) Rape - condemning the impact of war, racism and society in controlling, oppressing and forcibly victimising the female body. Tagline from this segment "Rape only needs an erected penis from a male, and he alone decides the move ... not the female for the vagina is not an enclosed organ"

(5) Clitoris - what is it? Why is it a forbidden area? Why was it such a taboo? The actresses also explore orgasm (why many women faking it to please their partner/husband), female masturbation and is a female yearning for a climax considered adulterous? Well to be honest, I was quite uneasy when the actresses were enggaged in "mild" lesbian act, panty pulling and the moaning sound in the background (mastubation). I like the line when "I don't want to turn 70 but still have to cycle" (some females reach orgasm through cycling oppssss).

(6) Female genital mutilation - the so called adulthood ritual cruelly practiced on young girls in Africa. Well, this was also graphic ... though not through their acting but the lines! I cringed on my seat when the actresses describe and relate to the genital mutilation stories.

(7) Virginity - a relook at the misconstrued coitus bleed of a virgin in light of possible physical injury or damage. Yes, this one I have to agree. Women nowadays are very active, many are also involved in physically challenging activities.

(8) "Women" who are born in a male body - exploring the transgenders yearned for womanhood and "what" that truly make them one. Had a great laugh when 2 actors went downstage and seduced some male audiences. Hehehe

(9) Childbirth - vagina as the exit and extension of life. A little contemporary dance movement to display labour pain and childbirth. This part was a bit touching and funny when the "mother" refered to nurses and "misi" and tell the story that she felt her baby want to come out but the doctor asked her to suck it in, her concern that her baby might drowned inside her if she couldn't deliver.

The Vagina Warriors played to a half-filled Stage 1 yesterday. Most were teenagers. Glad to see some blond, brunnettes and grey heads among the crowd hehehe. This is a local production and seeing that quite acceptable numbers of crowd, I couldn't help but feel proud. The younger generation of Penangites are so lucky. My siblings aged 32-24 tak pernah jejak kaki pun ke Istana Budaya.

I enjoyed the play so much, seriously though I have to swallow my embarassment on so many intimate issues that I would definitely won't share it openly with anyone, let alone another woman. However it was easier to understand and relate to compared to Someone Who'll Watch Over Me. They mixed their languages and dialects in this play - some lines were in English, Mandarin, Malay, Hokkien and Manglish. I find that was the strength of this play ... universal issues, the Malaysian way of interpreting it.

Looking forward to more plays from the Neigbourhood Performing Arts Group.